True and Fascinating Canadian History
A Major Mystery, a Minor Member
And a Mispelled Mutt
by J. J. Healy
Read at your own risk!
'Some readers may find the following content to be morally objectionable. For sure, children will find the content harmful.'
Today, the principle danger for an author is to avoid any words which stir up controversy. Wrong words can easily lead to mysterious outcomes. Writing a short mystery story often leads me to think seriously about how easy it would be to quit compositions. It's not that I'm lonely, or that writing is dull, but my dismal outlook resides in the fact that one must be continously vigilant to ensure certain words are not exposed into Canadian society.
Remaining on guard to spot an ill used word is stressful, mysterious and challenging to one's beliefs and values all at the same time.
That's it. Today, an author faces more literary traps than an ice fisherman. For sure, ice fishing might be fascinating but walking on spring's thin ice is also hazardous to one's heath. Inevitably, someone falls into treacherous waters only needing to be rescued. Likewise, the author is beset with traps -- words, words, words. Each and every word has become a trap. I'll prove it.
See, I've just begun to tell the reader a deep, chilling mystery and already I'm floundering. Sure as water freezes, I could now be accused of a literary offence ... did you catch it? (Employing the word fisherMan might annoy some readers, and with some forethought I could have used a non-gender phrase such as: fisher, fisherperson, fishing person or perhaps the person on ice holding fishing tackle.
My point is that I do not intend to offend anyone, but it remains very easy to pop sensitive eyes. Actually, sensitive eyes has everything to do with the thesis of this mystery. Bear with me.
In my experience, I've learned that certain words are more electric than others. History has shown that
even the RCMP Chapel at 'Depot' has been the ground upon which many a member tripped. Take everything that the word
'divinity' stands for. Reaching back to the beginning days of the North West Mounted Police, numerous acts related to
divinity have irritated many members of the Force. Consider this partial list;
In 1875, a member of the NWMP was charged in Service Court for '...being unshaved on Church Parade'. (Outcome: Ten days
Hard Labour by the Commissioner).
In 1876, another NWMP was charged because he: '...did race his team from church'. (Outcome: Admonished).
In 1885, another was charged as he: '...did leave during church service, and later found drunk'. (Outcome: 7 days Hard Labour & Dismissed
from the Force).
In 1889, a member appeared in Service Court for being: 'Intoxicated in church'. (Outcome: Fine $10 + 1 month Hard
Labour & Dismissed).
In 1890 another did... 'Not attend church after ordered to'. (Outcome: 1 month Hard Labour).
In 1894 a man did, 'Behave improperly in church'. (Outcome: Fine $15).
Service Court was held for two NWMP in April 1890, for being... 'Drunk at church'. (Outcome: Fine $10 & 14 days Confined to
Barracks).
Service Court was held in 1894 for a member who was ...'Late for church parade & late for morning ride'.
(Outcome: Fine $5.00).
In 1889, Service Court was held again for a member who did... 'Disobey [an] order to attend church'. (Fine $2 & 15 days Confined to
Barracks).
Service Court, again in 1888 for...'Improper dress at church parade'. (14 days Confined to Barracks).
Another Service Court: 1884, a member was...'Absent from divine service'. (Admolished).
One might sum up all these offences by questioning how divinity (any God) could cause such rambles within the ranks of the NWMP? But, that's not all. One must recall that divinity (or, more accurately, a misunderstanding of divinity) down through all of history has been frought with tensions, conflicts, confusion, and war.
Divinity acted as a thorn under one's saddle in the more recent Force, as well. At 'Depot', during the early 1960's, divine services had remained an important component of Sunday routine (of course, after the horses had been fed, watered and groomed). I recall, that for the most part, there was some decorum among the ranks whenever Church Parade was held. However, Service Court could attract impossibly high numbers of accused or be slowed to a mere dribble depending on the whim or acute observations of the CSM. Truth be told, Sunday Parade rarely went off without a twitch or glitch.
In the early to mid 60's, this was Sunday drill. One Sunday each month, all ranks formed up early on the Parade Square under the eye of the Corps Sergeant Major, who at that time, was CSM W. F. MacRae. One would think that CSM MacRae had life simple on Sundays, afterall, it was only necessary for him to bark: '...Protestants form up on the right and Catholics form up on the left!. Seemed uncomplicated even for rabble (recruits). Then, the Protestants were marched in quick time forward a few steps into the Chapel which sits prominently on the Parade Square.
Divine service for Catholic rabble was far more taxing -- protocols were far more complicated. Rather than being squeezed into the Chapel, all the Catholics were marched downtown to Regina's Alphonstone Ave., the site of the nearest Catholic Church. In general, members were expected to be sober for the forty minute march and the Parade was designed to be dignified. Seemed easy enough. But, for one or two bumps. It didn't take the Catholics long to conclude that, after the Protestant Service, their friends simply had to walk across the road for breakfast -- the Dining Hall was oppposite the Chapel! Talk about hot and unholy Catholic recruits! In fact, an interesting study would be a comparison of recruit vocubulary during a divine setting versus their vocabulary after the service -- especially if hungry. Anyway, the Catholics were not expected for breakfast for two more hours! The delay gave rise to the Protestant chant: 'more toast, more coffee please!'.
Interestingly, by the following month, the ranks of Protestants had swelled on Divine Sunday. Trouble brewed. The Corps Sergeant Major did catch some 'cross overs', thus Service Court remained in style and somewhat active. The thinking of a CSM went like this: a recruit accused was a recruit guilty; a recruit found guilty was a recruit tagged as a likely repeat offender. In Service Court, the CSM rattled off penalities at his discretion one after the other. There were always police cars which required a wash. Lawns required care. The Parade Square required a sweep. Brass door handles required a buff. But, surely the CSM must have also considered that the Force was recruiting far fewer Catholics?
And, at some point, CSM MacRae must have re-thought the idea of recruits marching downtown. It simply raised the probability of more trouble between recruits and divinity. Aside from the fact that CSM MacRae was in line for a well deserved Honourary Doctorate of Laws, he also knew history of the Force beginning with the days of the NWMP.
The Catholic Parade downtown always raised the threat that recruits might try again 'to mix it up' with the locals boys. But, a far greater fuss happened in church when one, two or more recruits employed daring strategies to steal the heart or hand of a pretty girl -- on ocassion, action could be observed on patrol to communion. Recruits went suddenly missing during the fog of prayer. It was no secret that recruits had a persistent habit of allowing their eyes to roam off the altar.
After church, the Instructors too noted fewer recruits returing to 'Depot'. Meals were left untouched. Search parties had no luck. Eventually, these complexities forced the CSM to consider that fewer Catholic recruits marching off to divine service might be a good thing? In the end, in Regina, as with the NWMP and the RCMP, on Sundays, in particular, there was a very strong corelation between Divine Service and Service Court. Divine Service inevitably sprouted Service Court. Any matter related to divinity, it seemed, was a trouble spot harking back to the days of the NWMP. Today, it's all changed. In a way, playing down divinity is more in vogue today.
In Canadian society, divinity continues to be a raw edge for some. It's words again that are to blame. Here's the proof. A few months ago, I ordered new licence plates as a birthday gift for a distinguished Ottawa friend. By profession, he is in the business of the divine. His business card lists his profession as 'God'. Innocently, I ordered the Latin letters: 'Deus Lux'. I was assured by a Latin scholar that very few, if any Canadians would know the meaning of the words. In translation, the words broadly mean '...in the light of God'.
After waiting for eight weeks, I called the Toronto Branch of Motor Vehicles regarding the delay. 'Yes', said the woman, 'it seems there is a problem with your selected words on the licence plates'. 'What could it be, I asked'? 'Seems that one of the words is somehow related to God, is that correct?' 'Why yes, how do you know? 'Google', she replied, 'I'm afraid that your request has to be refused'. 'For goodness sake, why I asked'? 'Well, she began, 'there is a committee in Toronto which examines all requests for personalized plates...the committee is composed of people from Toronto's society at large'. 'There is one person on the committee who is an atheist, and your plates could be offensive to him. 'Surely, she concluded, Mr. Healy, you agree that we don't want to upset any atheists, do we'?
Words again were my problem, I concluded. Yet, I could not believe that words related to divinity were causing me pain. I knew that the woman on the phone was only doing her job. Yet, in this case, words led to my defeat. My final argument with the woman had little effect. I said, 'Madam, I will assue you that the car on which these plates were intended will never be driven in Toronto, the home of some atheists'. 'And further, I can assure you that if I have to drive the car in Toronto, that I will avoid Yonge Steet where the majority of atheists might be walking'. No effect. Soon, I received a letter saying that my choice of words were refused on 'religious grounds'.
A few weeks later, I decided to try again. With new words. For my second request for plates, I chose again the Latin: 'AMDG SJ'. The letters, I argued, represented family members whom I wanted to include into my personalized plates: A for Ann, M for Michael, D for Danielle and G for Gregory, S for Susan and J for John. 'AMDG SJ'. All family. All family neices and nephews whom I love. I figured they would be pleased that Uncle Joe continued to be very proud of them.
Soon, I received a call from the same Toronto office. 'Trouble again', the voice said. 'Seems that your choice of letters has something to do with God, is that right? 'It wasn't directly intended', I replied, 'what do you mean'?. 'Google', she replied. It seems that your choice of letters is a Latin abbreviation and it means something to do with God'. 'Why yes', I said, 'I can see your point'. I said: 'Madam, believe me, I am a very minor person in Canadian society, but I do believe in God and I suppose that the letters could also be interpreted as a Latin phrase'. Tell me, she said; 'what does it mean'? 'Oh, I replied, as well as being the initials of my family, the phrase 'AMDG. SJ' might also mean 'Ad majorem Dei gloriam, (All for the Glory of God, Society of Jesus) -- the motto of the worldwide Jesuit Order which goes back four hundred years.
I continued, but I perceived that what I was suggesting was equally mysterious to her. I said: 'Madam, one must understand that I am a retired police officer. As such, many police officer die on duty. After a death, a sense of divinity can help one through a difficult period in life. At least, it helps me cope'. I added; 'did you know that among the earliest of Canadian pioneers were the Jesuits and many of them were killed on duty?. First, were the Jesuits representing peace, love, justice, law and order, and afterwards, came the North West Mounted Police and they too were killed on duty'. I concluded; 'I can't imagine why anything related to God is harmful in Canada'. Pause, stall. 'Not my decision' she ended.
Soon afterwards, I received letter number two saying my request had been refused on 'religious grounds'. This, in spite of the fact that as a youngster I had been taught by the nuns that the word 'God' was short form for 'Goodness'. In my mind, I tried to reconcile the similiarity between two common concepts 'goodness' and 'Maintains Le Droit', the Motto of the Force -- both have admirable goals.
By this time, I had learned certain lessons. First, the entire notion of divinity is problematic in Canada. Divinity has been side lined. It's dying. Secondly, I learned that one can fight for Constitutional freedoms such as 'Freedom of Religion, but it takes years and years for resolution. I muzed this: the road to rights is an expensive trip through court country which few can afford. Essentially, I was summarizating some recent pronouncements by the current Madam, Chief Justice of Canada. She makes no bones about the present day costs of lawyers and litigation ... for any cause.
Onwards. I decided one more try. Maybe God will hop into this mixup and provide me with some insight or an appropiate word that is not too obviously related to divinity. Rather than return to the Motor Vehicle Branch, I called the Toronto Office of licence plates for heaven ... 'Great Open Discussion' (God). Man answers the phone. I told him my long story about the first two attempts of obtain personalized plates. He concluded; 'without any doubt, the woman whom you first spoke to certainly gave you sound advice; the words 'Deus Lux' and 'ADMG. SJ' are not allowed to be displayed on licence plates in Ontario ... too religious'
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I thought it's now or never. 'Sir'; I said, 'if I stay away from Latin, might I be allowed to choose a common phrase which has not yet been taken by anyone in Ontario'? 'Why, for sure', he said. 'Ok', 'I'd like to buy the words Good Dog'. 'Well', he said, 'that might work, yes, I think it's dandy ... oh wait ... no, that won't work'. Surprised once again, I said, 'now what's wrong'? 'I believe, your new words will not pass the mirror test'. 'Oh, what's the mirror test'? He says, 'you know that there is a committee in Toronto which looks after all personalized licence plates ... they also examine each request by looking at the words in a mirror'. 'I'm sorry, Mr. Healy but I think that your word 'Dog' may appear backwards as 'God' in the mirror'. 'Sorry, you can't buy 'dog'!
At this point, why not give up, I thought? Afterall, this whole affair had become more of a mystery than I had originally intended. And, it might get costly.
In final desperation, I asked, how about the word 'Mutt'. 'Perfect', he said. 'Now, Mr. Healy, you're beginning to learn about Canada'.
'Oh, my Mutt'!
Somehow it doesn't have the same ring as the old phrase which was commonly used!
Words ... Already, I'm beginning to miss being allowed to say some of them anymore in public ... especially in Toronto.
Reporting From the Fort,
J. J. Healy
